Basically, you're born, you grow up with some "personal issues" (which we American usually seek counseling). You age while your life expands: jobs, kids, marriage, things, responsibilities etc.. you want to be famous, do something worthwhile. Then your life starts to retract. You lose your things, your family, your health. Then you die.
Pretty simple. And it's the same for all of us.
A colleague of mine was hand sewing a bib for her mother in a nursing home during a meeting at work. I couldn't help but see the reverse image of myself using a bib for my son and how our roles, too, would be reversed.
So on Monday Ali, Zene and I move into our first home. I've been longing to own a home and have some permanence for a long time. Over the last year the process and sheer drama of house hunting have been a huge lesson not to spend time longing for anything. To have an intention is one thing, but to actually put energy into "longing!". Never again.
The cycle was similar to so many other things that I have "longed for" in my life. Excitement as I jumped in and started, anxiety at the idea things might work out or might not work out, then depression as they inevitably didn't. Ugh. All that wasted energy was thankfully followed with acceptance. The drama took too much time away from my life so I ended contented to just let things be and see where we ended up.
This process of letting go is also familiar. Whenever I have had the courage to stop trying to control life and think out my future, fabulous things followed. Meeting Ali was one, working at African Community Center and also at Emily Griffith are other examples. I know I'm on the right track when the outcome is accompanied by coincidence, synchronicity and even small miracles.
As it turns out, we finally did find a great house that is also a great deal and, just as you hear about, everything did fall into place. The house is big enough for us to grow, with a big enough yard, in a good neighborhood, in the good school district, next to an elementary school and the light rail etc. It was foreclosed but still in great shape. The loan was perfect etc etc.
But just as we're moving in the house I know there will be a time when we'll be leaving. Maybe to another home, maybe on a gurney--who knows? Everything ends--or more appropriately, everything changes.
